I can still remember the carefree days where I could tap into my spontaneous self and do nutty things like completely rearrange a pre-arranged summer agenda to do some college summer school and work and in an hour, decide to fly to Colorado for rehearsal camp for the Continental Singers who called begging me to be their pianist for a summer of touring the country. Most pay thousands to have this opportunity and most plan for it for a year, but I had the luxury of one hour to decide and then ultimately fly the next day to Colorado, all expenses paid by the Continentals...ahh, the luxuries of answering to only myself. Sure! I'll go! And now for the rest of my life, I will be able to say I am an ex-Con.
In the last month, I have turned down an opportunity to go on a cruise with my brother as the musical entertainment on a Royal Carribean 8 day cruise from Bermuda to Portugal. We were booked for just 2 shows and the rest of the time were totally free to do cruisey things with the 3500 plus people on board.
And, now, I just had to decline a second invitation to do an Alaskan cruise during the first week of June. All expense paid Alaskan Cruise and I passed it right up? See, if I went, I'd miss our guitar and piano studio June recital - it's a huge deal and I have 20 amazing students this year!! Many have been with me for some years now and I am so proud to say that they are truly becoming musicians. We are doing ragtime, blues, a little jazz, some worship music, classical, some show tunes, some Disney, and even a couple of my students are doing some duets together. But, I might just be able to be pulled away from the big show for an Alaskan cruise...
but the next morning is the morning I have been dreading for 2 years - my little princess will be graduating kindergarten in cap and gown. It's a 30 minute ceremony but it is the 20 seconds where my little one will make a small passage into the great big world of elementary school and her priceless expression as she undoubtedly catches my eye from stage for a fleeting moment that begs me to match her joy with my own expression of congratulations that I can't possibly miss. I am going to have to smile even thought my heart is breaking - hopefully she wont' be able to see the tears from stage.
See she has been counting the days 'till she is a big "full timer" at school as a first grader. Just couldn't wait for this big leap towards greater Independence - 'till she got to hold on to the truth that she is now an all -day school girl. As one of my favorite bloggers over at MooBee just wrote:
So while she crosses the stage and grabs onto her long-awaited diploma and awards, I will be in the audience learning how to let go.Oh child, I want to say. You have no idea how many wonderful things you will wait your whole life to hold in your hands.Each FIRST time will seem like it took forever to get here and you'll want to hold on so tight.Then.One day.
You'll discover that the measure of a man (and a Mom) is in the letting go.