King Saul was a mad king for sure. He raised David as his own son with a fierce love that turned to jealousy, hatred, and murderous intentions. King David was a humble follower, turned leader. He was pursued to be murdered by his father figure and David never fought back or attempted to hurt Saul. He had opportunities to kill Saul, and save his own life, and always chose to give mercy.
Spears get thrown all the time - gossip, looks, rude comments to name a few of the spears - and we have 2 choices: pick the spear up and throw it back or dodge the spear and refuse to seek our own revenge.
Choosing to throw the spear in return might elevate you to leadership but it does so by turning you into the very leader that threw the spear at you in the first place. The only way to break that cycle and be a true leader is to lay the spear down.
Simplified: keep the mouth shut, keep the heart soft, keep the mind pure.
Showing posts with label Hearing God's Voice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hearing God's Voice. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Lessons for King David
Years ago, this book prevented my husband and I from walking a precarious and heart breaking situation with the wrong spirit. It forced us to do the simple yet deeply challenging act of staying quiet when the fleshly spirit demands that we stomp our feet and seek our own paths to justice.
Without the truths that King David taught through example I tend to say too much, demand too much, seek justice, and attempt to dethrone those in my life that God Has put in authority.
With the truths of King David, I have learned to simply not throw the spear that was thrown at me and I have yet to regret staying quiet.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
On Fear
During our honeymoon/backpacking trip the altitude, low blood sugar and having the body altering (NEVER TAKE THIS STUFF!) birth control pill coursing through my veins all triggered an attack of grand mal seizures. In fact, without being life flown out of the wilderness, I most likely would not have lived on to tell the story.
THe details of that story, in itself, are long and show the hand of God as He whispered to us "It's OK - I know the way. You'll be OK! I know the way!"
Here's the deal - that experience left a scar within my heart that had grown into a large ugly wound of fear. I love to be out in the wilderness - or go skiing - or go running on trails - or mountain biking - but for years, the tape playing in my mind was: "Are you nuts? Do you remember what happened in 1996? What are you doing?"
Fast forward to 2009 - Stud Husband and I decided to tackle some high mountain Sierra trails - real altitude, of 12 to 14 thousand feet high mountain lakes and passes. The entire drive down and 1st day of hiking, I was literally short of breath from gripping fear that 1996 could happen again. I have kids now! We are not just a stones throw from a town in these mountains - we are deep in the wilderness. What am I doing?
But I knew, in my deepest knower, that God does not lead us through the maze of life by fear. That instead, we are to travel this life from victory to victory and ultimately, follow peace. Just because I felt fear, gripping fear at that, does not mean I was not to move forward - on the contrary, fear tends to motivate me to face the giant head on and double check that I am holding on to God's hand tightly as I go.
So one step at a time, I climbed that mountain, both literally and metaphorically - I realized that if I didn't face this head on that this fear monster would only get bigger.
:But God, I am scared!!
Child, that's OK. Do it anyway. Do it scared. But do it.
OK.
And the next day when in 1996, the first seizure hit, I was still feeling amazing, athletic, strong. We climbed up to a high mountain lake at nearly 11,000 feet altitude where I realized that this "Monster" lurking and keeping me from the joy of being there had shrunk and was really a mouse sized puny little squeaky voice that had no power over me at all. In fact, when the fullness of knowing that I was higher then I had ever been on a mountain and I was feeling better then ever was fully realized, I knew once and for all , that God had destroyed that Monster.
Check this video out. It beautifully portrays the truth that God knows the way in all of our lives! Fear is not of Him! When we remember that He Has us in the palm of His hand and He is taking us through this life we can watch all the Fear Monsters in our lives shrink down and completely disappear. We walk this life with HIM!!
THe details of that story, in itself, are long and show the hand of God as He whispered to us "It's OK - I know the way. You'll be OK! I know the way!"
Here's the deal - that experience left a scar within my heart that had grown into a large ugly wound of fear. I love to be out in the wilderness - or go skiing - or go running on trails - or mountain biking - but for years, the tape playing in my mind was: "Are you nuts? Do you remember what happened in 1996? What are you doing?"
Fast forward to 2009 - Stud Husband and I decided to tackle some high mountain Sierra trails - real altitude, of 12 to 14 thousand feet high mountain lakes and passes. The entire drive down and 1st day of hiking, I was literally short of breath from gripping fear that 1996 could happen again. I have kids now! We are not just a stones throw from a town in these mountains - we are deep in the wilderness. What am I doing?
But I knew, in my deepest knower, that God does not lead us through the maze of life by fear. That instead, we are to travel this life from victory to victory and ultimately, follow peace. Just because I felt fear, gripping fear at that, does not mean I was not to move forward - on the contrary, fear tends to motivate me to face the giant head on and double check that I am holding on to God's hand tightly as I go.
So one step at a time, I climbed that mountain, both literally and metaphorically - I realized that if I didn't face this head on that this fear monster would only get bigger.
:But God, I am scared!!
Child, that's OK. Do it anyway. Do it scared. But do it.
OK.
And the next day when in 1996, the first seizure hit, I was still feeling amazing, athletic, strong. We climbed up to a high mountain lake at nearly 11,000 feet altitude where I realized that this "Monster" lurking and keeping me from the joy of being there had shrunk and was really a mouse sized puny little squeaky voice that had no power over me at all. In fact, when the fullness of knowing that I was higher then I had ever been on a mountain and I was feeling better then ever was fully realized, I knew once and for all , that God had destroyed that Monster.
Check this video out. It beautifully portrays the truth that God knows the way in all of our lives! Fear is not of Him! When we remember that He Has us in the palm of His hand and He is taking us through this life we can watch all the Fear Monsters in our lives shrink down and completely disappear. We walk this life with HIM!!
Friday, January 21, 2011
Our next adventures
In 2 years, for our 15th wedding anniversary, how about we take the family on a mission trip to serve others in need as a way to celebrate being a family for 15 years...?” - Cory, August, 2009
Dear Friends and Family,
It's hard to believe that we are on the precipice of celebrating 15 years of marriage, but we are. As a way to commemorate our 15 years together as a family, Cory dreamed, as we hiked in a high-Sierra trail in 2009, that during the summer of our 15th year together, we'd take our entire family to Nicaragua on a mission trip. The trip is being planned through our church, Redmond Community Church for the Mustard Seed Missions, which was started by our friends Michael and Lisa Perkins over 5 years ago. http://www.themustardseedmission.org/
It is our heart's desire to give our children experiences that will immerse them in what it truly means to give, selflessly, and to recognize the need for Jesus goes beyond our political country boundaries to all people. Nicaragua is one of the poorest countries in Latin America with very little infrastructure or modern conveniences. Families often have little choice but to let their young children scavenge in garbage dumps for food and their daughters to work the streets for money. Unlike in the U.S., there is not a safety net of social services that provides basic needs like food, medical care, and education to people in poverty. By joining efforts with the ongoing ministry that Michael and Lisa have established, we strive to be part of a loving movement that is breaking family cycles and changing legacies. Vocational training for women, feeding and nutritional training programs for the hundreds of people that are living in the Managua city dump, and building projects for homes in major disrepair are just a few of the things we will have the privilege of being part of. Our days there will be jam packed!
The dates of our trip are July 2 – July 10th, 2011. We are very excited for this amazing opportunity! We hope to bring our own special touch to the team through leading worship as well as Julie's understanding of the Spanish language, that will hopefully allow her to connect with the local people at a deeper level. Our children are natural ice breakers as they easily make friends and will be a vital part of the team as they reach out and connect with Nicaraguan children in a way that only other children can do. And finally, Cory, being the talented work horse that he is, plans to put in long hours, building and repairing infrastructure.
We are humbly writing to you to ask you, first and foremost, to please keep us in your prayers over the next months and during the time we are in the country. Specific prayer requests are:
Health and safety while in Nicaragua (no malaria or dengue fever please!)
That this time of ministry would draw our family closer together and closer to God
That our time in Nicaragua would allow us rich connections with the people in Nicaragua
That God would open or close doors as He leads to pave the way for us to bring high school students and our family back to Nicaragua in future summers
That funds for the trip would be provided for
We are also writing to you to ask you to consider partnering with us financially to make this trip possible. The total cost for the trip is $5000. As I type that number, I truly feel all at once overwhelmed by it and confident that since God Has prompted our hearts to want to go that He will clear all obstacles to making that happen. To help keep track of your support, we are asking that you send any donation through our church. Address the checks to RCC and note “O'Neill Nic trip” in the memo line. Your entire donation will be tax deductible. We will send you a tax statement (and a big smiley thank you note/letter of what we did on the trip ) in time for your April 2012 taxes!
Leave a comment with your email address so I can send you a support letter and address of where to send your donations to. Thank you so much for considering joining us in this new adventure into God's Great Plan!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
It's all good...
Had another epiphany from God today on my run....probably should credit the epiphany to the 2 hour yoga class I did with over 500 "yogis" on the Deschutes River today instead as that's where a lot of these mini thoughts started coagulating in my mind.
God is so clever in the way he gently teaches me. It's always little lessons, spread over months and months, and the final "aha" doesn't come until the exactly perfect time when it all comes flooding through my mind and finally the dots are connected. I always smile up at Heaven at this point, thanking Him for his unending patience.
At the end of last school year I had all but decided that I had given this full time teaching thing a good, honest try, and "thanks, but no thanks", I best be on my way now. However, God divinely whispered to my heart that that might not be the answer and that He'd like me to speak to a couple of fellow teachers. I obeyed, made some phone calls, did some talking and a ton of listening and knew in my heart that I was to return.
So why then, did I spend such a big chunk of the summer dreading this decision? God, where's the Peace that follows after your will? I wrestled with this all summer.
Then God placed another little angel in my life in the form of a stranger on a bus. We had just finished another major backpacking trip - one in which we needed to take a bus to the trailhead - and were on the return trip back to our vehicle - when I just shared openly with the lady next to me about my internal struggles with taking on full time teaching again. She listened attentively and then turned to me and said, "YOu are going to have the best year of your life."
Woah!! That settled hard and fast in my mind and as I pondered her spoken blessing over my life for a few days, I knew it, FINALLY, in my heart! It's a choice! It always is. God is just waiting to hand us His blessings, but we need to choose to receive them as grumbly, hard little hearts aren't capable of it. I will choose to wake up each day and grab God's hand and say, "with you God, I choose Joy.:
The final person in this string of mini lessons (we are up to 3 people already- I am a slow learner), happened today after an invigorating 2 hour yoga class on the Deschutes River, and this time it came from a sweet older man in his 70s, with gray hair, and a thick Spanish accent....and it came in Spanish. We got to chit chatting about the weather and I laughingly admitted that I am a hot weather gal, I love it hot, and am not looking forward to this next winter which is predicted to be a real snowy, cold, and wet one. I said I'd love to live somewhere hot, where coconuts grow on trees and mangos grow in my backyard.
He stopped. He looked me straight in the eyes and said, "You can't leave us. You belong here. You are supposed to be in this community right now, blessing those that you encounter, HERE. Don't push against what happens - like the winter - learn to embrace it, enjoy it. No, you can't leave us. We need you here." (keep in mind, I met this sweet man 5 minutes before he boldly lectured me)
Es la verdad!!
After all of this, I needed a good trail run on the river. I knew God needed to put this all together. And here's what He told me:
We need each other!! Every one of these conversations spoke life into me. And because these people, along the way, spoke life into me, I am now ready to spend a school year, hopefully, speaking life into my students.
As we seek God daily, He fills us up with His life and then we go out into the world and have thousands of little moments, full of hundreds of interactions with other people, and we have the chance to speak life into each of these moments, into the people all around us.
God is so clever in the way he gently teaches me. It's always little lessons, spread over months and months, and the final "aha" doesn't come until the exactly perfect time when it all comes flooding through my mind and finally the dots are connected. I always smile up at Heaven at this point, thanking Him for his unending patience.
At the end of last school year I had all but decided that I had given this full time teaching thing a good, honest try, and "thanks, but no thanks", I best be on my way now. However, God divinely whispered to my heart that that might not be the answer and that He'd like me to speak to a couple of fellow teachers. I obeyed, made some phone calls, did some talking and a ton of listening and knew in my heart that I was to return.
So why then, did I spend such a big chunk of the summer dreading this decision? God, where's the Peace that follows after your will? I wrestled with this all summer.
Then God placed another little angel in my life in the form of a stranger on a bus. We had just finished another major backpacking trip - one in which we needed to take a bus to the trailhead - and were on the return trip back to our vehicle - when I just shared openly with the lady next to me about my internal struggles with taking on full time teaching again. She listened attentively and then turned to me and said, "YOu are going to have the best year of your life."
Woah!! That settled hard and fast in my mind and as I pondered her spoken blessing over my life for a few days, I knew it, FINALLY, in my heart! It's a choice! It always is. God is just waiting to hand us His blessings, but we need to choose to receive them as grumbly, hard little hearts aren't capable of it. I will choose to wake up each day and grab God's hand and say, "with you God, I choose Joy.:
The final person in this string of mini lessons (we are up to 3 people already- I am a slow learner), happened today after an invigorating 2 hour yoga class on the Deschutes River, and this time it came from a sweet older man in his 70s, with gray hair, and a thick Spanish accent....and it came in Spanish. We got to chit chatting about the weather and I laughingly admitted that I am a hot weather gal, I love it hot, and am not looking forward to this next winter which is predicted to be a real snowy, cold, and wet one. I said I'd love to live somewhere hot, where coconuts grow on trees and mangos grow in my backyard.
He stopped. He looked me straight in the eyes and said, "You can't leave us. You belong here. You are supposed to be in this community right now, blessing those that you encounter, HERE. Don't push against what happens - like the winter - learn to embrace it, enjoy it. No, you can't leave us. We need you here." (keep in mind, I met this sweet man 5 minutes before he boldly lectured me)
Es la verdad!!
After all of this, I needed a good trail run on the river. I knew God needed to put this all together. And here's what He told me:
We need each other!! Every one of these conversations spoke life into me. And because these people, along the way, spoke life into me, I am now ready to spend a school year, hopefully, speaking life into my students.
As we seek God daily, He fills us up with His life and then we go out into the world and have thousands of little moments, full of hundreds of interactions with other people, and we have the chance to speak life into each of these moments, into the people all around us.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Oddities while looking for a Bible
My kids are 6 and just 9. They both read. My 9 year old can read any thing...highschool level is not a problem. My 6, almost 7, reads chapter books.
So, they have been begging me to read the Bible. But it is a book full of violence, sex, immorality, and rock and roll...if you know what I mean.
Does my 6 or 9 year old need to be reading about "women lusting after women and doing depravous acts with their bodies" ? etc. (Straight quote from Romans. )
Just because they can read, do they have to be reading about the horrendous violence in the Old Testament - simply because it's in "God's Word".
Today I went to the Christian Bookstore. Maybe that was my first mistake. Of course, they had cute covered Bibles for all different ages. The covers were different, but the inside was always the exact text. No editing out of "prostitutes" and "men lusting after men" or "sexual sins with their bodies"...just all the raw gorey details of the Bible.
There was a lady checking out who overheard my questions and decided to jump on her opinionated box to declare to me, "well, if your kids can read it then I feel they are ready to know about the full sinful nature of mankind. It's God's Word after all. If they can read it then they should know about it all." Blah blah blah. I sort of tuned out to the rest of her speech. I did let her know that I did not agree with her.
Truly, do non-Christian, loving parents, seeking to raise their kids morally look at the things that are taught to kids in Sunday schools at early ages about extremely violent acts in the Bible and think we are crazy? If I stopped for a moment and stepped out of my Christian bubble, I'd definitely be confused as to why we think we need to be talking to 2 year olds in Sunday school about some of the violent moments in the Old Testament like Cain killing Able or having them memorize the 10 commandments asking mommy as she changes their diaper,"What is adultery?"
Just because my daughter mastered the English language by 2, she was not ready to be sat in front of any English spoken R- rated movie. Just because they are great readers does not mean they have to be burdened down by our adult issues of sexual lust, violence, and all the rest. That's not their burden to bear yet.
I would love to hear your thoughts! I just want a truly age-appropriate Bible!!
In the meantime, I ordered this Bible for my soon to be 7 year old: http://www.karynhenley.com/site_pages/howsdiff.htm
So, they have been begging me to read the Bible. But it is a book full of violence, sex, immorality, and rock and roll...if you know what I mean.
Does my 6 or 9 year old need to be reading about "women lusting after women and doing depravous acts with their bodies" ? etc. (Straight quote from Romans. )
Just because they can read, do they have to be reading about the horrendous violence in the Old Testament - simply because it's in "God's Word".
Today I went to the Christian Bookstore. Maybe that was my first mistake. Of course, they had cute covered Bibles for all different ages. The covers were different, but the inside was always the exact text. No editing out of "prostitutes" and "men lusting after men" or "sexual sins with their bodies"...just all the raw gorey details of the Bible.
There was a lady checking out who overheard my questions and decided to jump on her opinionated box to declare to me, "well, if your kids can read it then I feel they are ready to know about the full sinful nature of mankind. It's God's Word after all. If they can read it then they should know about it all." Blah blah blah. I sort of tuned out to the rest of her speech. I did let her know that I did not agree with her.
Truly, do non-Christian, loving parents, seeking to raise their kids morally look at the things that are taught to kids in Sunday schools at early ages about extremely violent acts in the Bible and think we are crazy? If I stopped for a moment and stepped out of my Christian bubble, I'd definitely be confused as to why we think we need to be talking to 2 year olds in Sunday school about some of the violent moments in the Old Testament like Cain killing Able or having them memorize the 10 commandments asking mommy as she changes their diaper,"What is adultery?"
Just because my daughter mastered the English language by 2, she was not ready to be sat in front of any English spoken R- rated movie. Just because they are great readers does not mean they have to be burdened down by our adult issues of sexual lust, violence, and all the rest. That's not their burden to bear yet.
I would love to hear your thoughts! I just want a truly age-appropriate Bible!!
In the meantime, I ordered this Bible for my soon to be 7 year old: http://www.karynhenley.com/site_pages/howsdiff.htm
Sunday, January 3, 2010
How great thou art
2010 I welcome with wide open arms!
I have very strange reaction to the New Year. It's change. And I really don't like change, of any sort. I get used to my rut and like to stay comfortable, wallowing in it's sameness. I cried every time a new term started in college (that's a lot of crying! Undergraduate and graduate years - the tears just flowed)
Why? Well, I'd get used to the schedule. I learned to like the new schedule - liked when I could squeeze my runs in, study, see friends, go hiking, have an easier day and then boom, right when I absolutely fell in love with the new routine, it was done...and the next one was upon me and darn it, it was different.
So, I usually find that Jan 1st is my least favorite day of the year. I am sad that the year I have worn like a comfortable blanket is now done. I worked so hard to do all the details of the year - b-days, holidays, vacations, - ahh the glory of a well-oiled, smoothly flowing, familiar system - and now, it's all done and I Start over????
But, this year I am actually finding I am noticing amidst my typical melancholy woes of a new year that I am excited. 2009 was so full of conversations with hurting people - economically, spiritually, emotionally, and bodily health - and what became familiar in 2009 was comments about the sad state of affairs with the economy, the housing market, the health of our nation, our government, the bleak future....
And well into the year, I did get tired of it because I like to smile more then these conversations ever allowed me to do, but unfortunately, I more often then I care to admit, fell into the negativity myself. It became the 2009 thing to do.
This year, 2010, despite the fact that probably none of these bleak conversations have been concluded in anyway, I plan to try to turn the tide, one conversation at a time. I hope to talk more about the beauty of humanity, God's creation (www.coryjoneillphotography.com), and the good to behold in each and every day.
Yes - this year I resolve to focus on How Great He Is.
How Great Thou Art (as performed by my brother David Klinkenberg and I in Molina, IL for a radio station listener appreciation concert we put on for their community):
Sunday, September 20, 2009
A thank you note I'd like to share with all of you
To my pastor:
Your sermon blessed us in many ways, but truly, it takes courage to be as transparent as you are, willing to be coming before the church with your own questions.
I don't think I have ever followed up with you over a conversation we had a few years back that set me in a direction of restoration. Your sermon reminded me about it all and I wanted to finally thank you and share with you what transpired.
Remember when I was sick? I dealt with a strange illness for nearly 2 years that resulted in a myriad of symptoms - daily fevers, fibromyalgea, adrenaline tremors, anxiety, no energy, depression and on and on. My whole chemical being was disturbed which kept triggering more problems (like the anxiety) and finally it triggered diabetes II. It was around that time, that when you asked me how I was doing I surprised myself even by saying I'd like to go stand in front of a train at times. It wasn't truly what I felt but after 8 months of being sick and then getting diagnosed with diabetes too I was at my lowest.
So, you pulled me into your office and I was half hoping you'd assure me that I'd be fine...that my body would snap out of this slump and that the nightmare would end...but NO, you said, "your real task is to figure out what you are going to do if you never get better". Oh man did that make me frustrated. Not at you...but at the thought that the hope I was living for that the sickness would end was not the right hope to have but I was challenged to replace my direction of hope from "someday I'll get better" to "what will be my attitude of praise be NOW as I am not necessarily assured that this will pass".
I let that thought simmer and boil in my mind and it slowly perculated down to my heart but it didn't really grab ahold of my heart until a year later. I thought about it often and kept challenging myself to let go of the anxiety and fears even in the midst of a scary situation. A good 9 months after you said that to me, I was finally diagnosed. I had Epstein Barr - the same virus that causes mono but in the EBV state is often called Chronic Fatigue Syndrom - and the doc said I'd probably be this way for 5 to 20 years or even for the rest of my life. So the truth of what you said was now a reality.
I was down for no more than a week before God grabbed me and said you can either stop living or you can grab my hand and keep on with as much joy as you can muster. I decided then and there that despite the diagnoses, I was going to start smiling, like Julie does. Maybe I could slowly trick my body into thinking I was happy. It was a first step anyway. I was going to LIVE fully, and praise HIm and not let this EBV be who I was but instead let the fact that I was a child of God, wholly and beautifully made by Him, be who I believed myself to be.
So God began a work to restore me spiritually. And about the time when I was feeling alive in Him again and not defeated by a diagnoses, the diabetes, anxiety, fibromyalgea, adrenal surges, sleepless nights, and fevers disappeared. So, He then healed me physically. Now, I did do things to help my body have a chance as I had no desire to be in this decrepid state for 5 to 20 years - like eat tons of organic veggies and fruit, exercise, etc. - but God did the healing.
I so love that through that one God appointed conversation that we had He was able to bring about Spiritual Restoration to me...and He chose to then bring about Physical Healing too. If he would have healed my body first before restoring my spiritual health, I would never have learned what I needed to learn or been deeply changed and molded by the whole ordeal. It would have been easy to bound around in Joy if he just healed me right away...but He instead insisted that I do what your challenge to me was: let go of the fears, Hang on to Him, keep the faith and the Joy for life in the MIDDLE of it.
It feels so good to feel so great again - but it feels even better to have been given the wisdom that only comes through trials and then Spiritual restoration as He did in me too.
So, since I am not sure I ever thanked you - thank you so much.
Your sermon blessed us in many ways, but truly, it takes courage to be as transparent as you are, willing to be coming before the church with your own questions.
I don't think I have ever followed up with you over a conversation we had a few years back that set me in a direction of restoration. Your sermon reminded me about it all and I wanted to finally thank you and share with you what transpired.
Remember when I was sick? I dealt with a strange illness for nearly 2 years that resulted in a myriad of symptoms - daily fevers, fibromyalgea, adrenaline tremors, anxiety, no energy, depression and on and on. My whole chemical being was disturbed which kept triggering more problems (like the anxiety) and finally it triggered diabetes II. It was around that time, that when you asked me how I was doing I surprised myself even by saying I'd like to go stand in front of a train at times. It wasn't truly what I felt but after 8 months of being sick and then getting diagnosed with diabetes too I was at my lowest.
So, you pulled me into your office and I was half hoping you'd assure me that I'd be fine...that my body would snap out of this slump and that the nightmare would end...but NO, you said, "your real task is to figure out what you are going to do if you never get better". Oh man did that make me frustrated. Not at you...but at the thought that the hope I was living for that the sickness would end was not the right hope to have but I was challenged to replace my direction of hope from "someday I'll get better" to "what will be my attitude of praise be NOW as I am not necessarily assured that this will pass".
I let that thought simmer and boil in my mind and it slowly perculated down to my heart but it didn't really grab ahold of my heart until a year later. I thought about it often and kept challenging myself to let go of the anxiety and fears even in the midst of a scary situation. A good 9 months after you said that to me, I was finally diagnosed. I had Epstein Barr - the same virus that causes mono but in the EBV state is often called Chronic Fatigue Syndrom - and the doc said I'd probably be this way for 5 to 20 years or even for the rest of my life. So the truth of what you said was now a reality.
I was down for no more than a week before God grabbed me and said you can either stop living or you can grab my hand and keep on with as much joy as you can muster. I decided then and there that despite the diagnoses, I was going to start smiling, like Julie does. Maybe I could slowly trick my body into thinking I was happy. It was a first step anyway. I was going to LIVE fully, and praise HIm and not let this EBV be who I was but instead let the fact that I was a child of God, wholly and beautifully made by Him, be who I believed myself to be.
So God began a work to restore me spiritually. And about the time when I was feeling alive in Him again and not defeated by a diagnoses, the diabetes, anxiety, fibromyalgea, adrenal surges, sleepless nights, and fevers disappeared. So, He then healed me physically. Now, I did do things to help my body have a chance as I had no desire to be in this decrepid state for 5 to 20 years - like eat tons of organic veggies and fruit, exercise, etc. - but God did the healing.
I so love that through that one God appointed conversation that we had He was able to bring about Spiritual Restoration to me...and He chose to then bring about Physical Healing too. If he would have healed my body first before restoring my spiritual health, I would never have learned what I needed to learn or been deeply changed and molded by the whole ordeal. It would have been easy to bound around in Joy if he just healed me right away...but He instead insisted that I do what your challenge to me was: let go of the fears, Hang on to Him, keep the faith and the Joy for life in the MIDDLE of it.
It feels so good to feel so great again - but it feels even better to have been given the wisdom that only comes through trials and then Spiritual restoration as He did in me too.
So, since I am not sure I ever thanked you - thank you so much.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Here I am
I just got home from an 8 day anniversary trip (13 years!!) with my Rennaissance man. 5 nights in the wilderness and 3 nights in travel to get there (plus a gloriously romantic night in a bed and breakfast). He asked me all year if I still wanted it to be a killer backpacking trip and I never waivered in my resolve - ABSOLUTELY! There is no other trip that deeply restores like being in the deep backcountry. Nothing.
Our first night was such a ridiculous contrast to the remaining nights. I thought it would be fun to see book a super cheap hotel and found a deal near Reno for about $25. Flashing neon lights, gambling, people trapped in windowless casinos, NOISE....it was a great hotel really but the setting was so unsettling. Do people really go to Reno to relax? Yikes. We got up the next day and hightailed it to our trailhead, outside of Bishop, CA.
God can speak so loud when the world's city distractions give way to his creation. For 5 1/2 days we hiked - 60 miles - into high elevation Sierras into a basin called Evolution Basin that is heralded as one of the most beautiful places on earth - and it was. We lived at 11,000 feet high for 5 nights - with steep climbs and a total of over 22,000 feet in elevation changes (that's like climbing South Sister 2 times!).
Each morning, I awoke with the same song. Every time we'd hit a rhythm on the trail and descend into silence this same song started playing in my mind. When that happens, I listen. I know it's not a mistake. The chorus played. Each morning I asked God, is this song for me? Yes.
You see, the big change in my life is that I will start, tomorrow, teaching full time. I never wanted to work full time but when I interviewed for part time, they couldn't resist offering me full time. I am half time music for grades 1 through 12 and then half time high school Spanish.
I am undoubtedly nervous. I don't know if we can maintain the family lifestyle we have with me working full time. Renaissance man has told me he will do 100% of the cooking and shopping this year to allow me to put in the hours I need. But, ALL DAY! EVERY DAY! My life was totally full before this.
I want to serve these kids at this school. It's such an honor and opportunity, but I don't want to sacrifice my own family.
Back to the song. It's called "Here I am" and each morning the mountain radio playing in my mind sang to me this chorus. I just got home and had to go see what the rest of the song had to say and it spoke directly into my life. I am to take on this song as my prayer. It will be hard...but as the song says, "Aren't you the closest when it's hardest to stand?" If I take on an attitude of "Here I am, use me" it will undoubtedly trump grumpy attitudes that threaten to steal my servant's joy when this job bleeds into evenings and weekends.
So God, Here I am, send me to the ministry field of the classroom. All of my life, make it an offering.
Our first night was such a ridiculous contrast to the remaining nights. I thought it would be fun to see book a super cheap hotel and found a deal near Reno for about $25. Flashing neon lights, gambling, people trapped in windowless casinos, NOISE....it was a great hotel really but the setting was so unsettling. Do people really go to Reno to relax? Yikes. We got up the next day and hightailed it to our trailhead, outside of Bishop, CA.
God can speak so loud when the world's city distractions give way to his creation. For 5 1/2 days we hiked - 60 miles - into high elevation Sierras into a basin called Evolution Basin that is heralded as one of the most beautiful places on earth - and it was. We lived at 11,000 feet high for 5 nights - with steep climbs and a total of over 22,000 feet in elevation changes (that's like climbing South Sister 2 times!).
Each morning, I awoke with the same song. Every time we'd hit a rhythm on the trail and descend into silence this same song started playing in my mind. When that happens, I listen. I know it's not a mistake. The chorus played. Each morning I asked God, is this song for me? Yes.
You see, the big change in my life is that I will start, tomorrow, teaching full time. I never wanted to work full time but when I interviewed for part time, they couldn't resist offering me full time. I am half time music for grades 1 through 12 and then half time high school Spanish.
I am undoubtedly nervous. I don't know if we can maintain the family lifestyle we have with me working full time. Renaissance man has told me he will do 100% of the cooking and shopping this year to allow me to put in the hours I need. But, ALL DAY! EVERY DAY! My life was totally full before this.
I want to serve these kids at this school. It's such an honor and opportunity, but I don't want to sacrifice my own family.
Back to the song. It's called "Here I am" and each morning the mountain radio playing in my mind sang to me this chorus. I just got home and had to go see what the rest of the song had to say and it spoke directly into my life. I am to take on this song as my prayer. It will be hard...but as the song says, "Aren't you the closest when it's hardest to stand?" If I take on an attitude of "Here I am, use me" it will undoubtedly trump grumpy attitudes that threaten to steal my servant's joy when this job bleeds into evenings and weekends.
So God, Here I am, send me to the ministry field of the classroom. All of my life, make it an offering.
Here I Am by Downhere
Sometimes Your calling, comes in dream
Sometimes in comes in the Spirit's breeze
You reach for the deepest hope in me
And call out for the things of eternity
But I'm a man, of dust and stains,
You move in me, so I can say
Chorus
Here I am, Lord send me
All of my life, I make an offering,
Here I am, Lord send me
Somehow my story is a part of Your plan,
Here I am
When setbacks and failures, and upset plans
Test my faith and leave me with empty hands
Are You not the closest when it's hardest to stand
I know that You will finish what You began
these broken parts You will redeem
Become the song that I can sing
Overwhelmed by the thought of my weakness
And the fear that I'll fail You in the end In this mess,
I'm just one of the pieces, I can't put this together but You can
Here I Am, all my life an offering to You, to You Somehow my story is a part of Your plan
Here I am
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Power of the Word - have to share!
Some of us just easily accept that we are God's child, that He loves us, and that we just have to follow Him...others of us fight much harder through life before these revelations reach our heart. I have 2 sprouts. One wrestles with this. One just believes it.
My wildman sprout is the wrestler. He has been hard on himself since he was learning to crawl upon which God made it super clear to me, "be easy on this guy, he is already too hard on himself." I try. I do. But he is a super sensitive child and lives his emotions OUT LOUD and the loud kiddo gets a lot more negative attention, unfortunately.
These wrestling emotions have erupted this past 2nd grade year as he often said how horrible of a person he was, how he hated himself, and how he wanted to start running and never stop. As mommy, I had to tell myself not to panic but just to calmly listen. So I did all year. But finally in April, I brought my concerns to my Friday morning prayer group at his school and we prayed over his little heart.
That weekend, I shared with him the verses where John asks, "Why do I do the things I don't want to do and I don't do the things I should do? For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do - this I keep on doing." My wildman was shocked to read his very words, thoughts, and feelings in the WORD and even more shocked that it was a grown man who thought this stuff.
YES little one. We all feel inadequate. 'cause we are!!
While many kids proclaim, "I didn't do it!" or "It's not fair...it's Suzie Que's fault, not mine!" my little guy fully knows he has messed up every time he does. He is and always has been completely aware that he is a sinner. Which sets him up to be so deeply thankful for this next part that I shared with him from that Romans 7 passage - "Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord!...Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus because through Jesus Christ the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."
I drew a picture of a boy carrying a large bag over his shoulder, like Santa. This boy in my picture could hardly walk from the heavy bag he lugged - and I shared that that is him - carrying all his sins with him but he didn't need to do that!! That's what freedom is.
It was a long and beautiful conversation. I shared much with him and we read many other passages.
I write about it now because it's been about 4 or 5 months since we talked and I have watched that message from the Bible peculate and simmer in his mind and have been so in awe of the power of the word because my wildman has completely stopped proclaiming how horrible he is, how he wants to disappear, or any of it. He has stopped throwing himself around in his emotional tantrums of frustration at himself.
He has turned into this smiley, helpful, more relaxed, and happy version of himself.
All from reading God's truth.
(and from the power of prayer of a few mom's meeting together to pour prayer over their kids lives together one rainy April morning.)
My wildman sprout is the wrestler. He has been hard on himself since he was learning to crawl upon which God made it super clear to me, "be easy on this guy, he is already too hard on himself." I try. I do. But he is a super sensitive child and lives his emotions OUT LOUD and the loud kiddo gets a lot more negative attention, unfortunately.
These wrestling emotions have erupted this past 2nd grade year as he often said how horrible of a person he was, how he hated himself, and how he wanted to start running and never stop. As mommy, I had to tell myself not to panic but just to calmly listen. So I did all year. But finally in April, I brought my concerns to my Friday morning prayer group at his school and we prayed over his little heart.
That weekend, I shared with him the verses where John asks, "Why do I do the things I don't want to do and I don't do the things I should do? For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do - this I keep on doing." My wildman was shocked to read his very words, thoughts, and feelings in the WORD and even more shocked that it was a grown man who thought this stuff.
YES little one. We all feel inadequate. 'cause we are!!
While many kids proclaim, "I didn't do it!" or "It's not fair...it's Suzie Que's fault, not mine!" my little guy fully knows he has messed up every time he does. He is and always has been completely aware that he is a sinner. Which sets him up to be so deeply thankful for this next part that I shared with him from that Romans 7 passage - "Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord!...Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus because through Jesus Christ the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."
I drew a picture of a boy carrying a large bag over his shoulder, like Santa. This boy in my picture could hardly walk from the heavy bag he lugged - and I shared that that is him - carrying all his sins with him but he didn't need to do that!! That's what freedom is.
It was a long and beautiful conversation. I shared much with him and we read many other passages.
I write about it now because it's been about 4 or 5 months since we talked and I have watched that message from the Bible peculate and simmer in his mind and have been so in awe of the power of the word because my wildman has completely stopped proclaiming how horrible he is, how he wants to disappear, or any of it. He has stopped throwing himself around in his emotional tantrums of frustration at himself.
He has turned into this smiley, helpful, more relaxed, and happy version of himself.
All from reading God's truth.
(and from the power of prayer of a few mom's meeting together to pour prayer over their kids lives together one rainy April morning.)
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
Introducing Seeds - awesome family worship music
My kids are loving the first album we got from them. Verses straight from the Bible set to really great melodies - songs good enough for adult church but simple enough for kids to love. Singing verses implants them deep in kids hearts.
Seeds Family Worship was planted when worship leader, Jason Houser, was asked to write some songs to help kids remember the verses from his church’s summer Bible school.
Jason began writing songs and singing them for the kids and families at church. The songs were well-crafted, catchy, and taken straight from scripture. Families liked them. . . a lot.
From just a handful of songs, Seeds Family Worship was planted – providing God’s Word set to music for thousands of families all over the world. We are gladdened by stories of worship times at home, scripture memorized, and object lessons taught using Seeds songs. The fifth Seeds
Family Worship album – The Power of Encouragement – has just released. In total, Seeds has grown to 58 portions of scripture set to music!
The team at Seeds Family Worship continues to create great, scripture-based music. But, we also see God’s call to further equip churches and homes with ways to encourage families to worship together. We want to hear the needs, joys, and hopes for family worship in your church.
While we plant and water, we know that God is the grower of seeds. We can’t wait to see what happens!
We are excited to make Seeds Family Worship Live events available to your church. The mission of a Seeds Family Worship Live event is to provide an opportunity for families of all ages to worship and spend quality time together as a family unit, fellowship with other families in the church, and learn the Word of God.
Here’s How It Works:
The Worship Leader: A Seeds Family Worship leader will come to your church and lead a high-energy, powerful night of worship with the songs contained on the Seeds Family Worship CD’s.
The Worship Leader: A Seeds Family Worship leader will come to your church and lead a high-energy, powerful night of worship with the songs contained on the Seeds Family Worship CD’s.
Your Worship Team: Your own worship team will be the musicians to back up the Seeds Family
Worship Leader.
Your Kids: Three to five children/youth (8-15 years old) from your church will sing as part of the worship team. This is a confidence builder for the kids.
Getting Ready: We provide all the CD’s, music charts, for the concert to the worship team at least 2 weeks prior to the worship concert and encourage you to schedule one rehearsal before the worship leader arrives.
Promotions: The worship leader will fly in the day before the event and rehearse with the worship team. We provide promotional posters in advance and power point the night of the concert. Then there will be an additional rehearsal two hours prior to the concert.
Our Goal: TO PLANT THE SEEDS OF GOD’S WORD IN THE HEARTS OF FAMILIES AND CHILDREN.
Bringing Seeds to your Church
If you are interested in booking an event, please contact Michelle Uhri at michelle@seedsfamilyworship.com or call us at 615-463-7398.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Powerful Worship time
My Rennaisance man, his good buddies Jason and Wayne, and I had the privilege of leading worship at church last week. We love to do music together!! We have gotten so used to each other's musical styles that even during practice night, we quickly move from having to focus on the music part and just enter into goose-bump raising worship.
Rennaisance Man and I have been co-leading worship for 15 years now and have worked with tons of different people in this capacity. Always, the goal is to play with excellence so that we are not the distracting focus but people can look past us to His throne. Our pastor came up to us after each service and said that worship took his breath away and he could barely pull himself together to get up and speak. Not that we want to render our pastor speechless, but it is such a blessing to be part of team that is using their gifts to lead others into worship so powerfully.
I've been part of worship teams over the years where it's just not clicking musically so as a musician I have to focus so hard on the musicality of what I am doing that there is no way I can just worship. I also remember the beginning years where I was the rookie on a team learning how to play piano with a band versus playing it as a solo instrument and learning how to sing harmonies on key, how to layer my harmonies and piano parts into the mix to help build intensity, etc. Those years, the focus was just making the music happen more then worship because a brain can only deal with so many things at once.
It is such a treat to be part of such a talented worship team at our church where we finally have all those types of elements figured out, where we don't even script out who is doing what, how many times we will sing verses and choruses, or who needs to come in when. We start playing together - it turns into worship - and His spirit directs the song. All of us on stage completely forget that we are rehearsing or that there are people out in the audience because we are caught up in worship. I love when that happens. (The poor powerpoint person directing the words on screen for the congregation has to be on his toes with us as he never knows what we'll do next!).
Here's one of our favorites as harmonies and intensity build throughout this song finally breaking free at the very end with a declaration that His Glory can only cause us to fall face down at his feet.
Rennaisance Man and I have been co-leading worship for 15 years now and have worked with tons of different people in this capacity. Always, the goal is to play with excellence so that we are not the distracting focus but people can look past us to His throne. Our pastor came up to us after each service and said that worship took his breath away and he could barely pull himself together to get up and speak. Not that we want to render our pastor speechless, but it is such a blessing to be part of team that is using their gifts to lead others into worship so powerfully.
I've been part of worship teams over the years where it's just not clicking musically so as a musician I have to focus so hard on the musicality of what I am doing that there is no way I can just worship. I also remember the beginning years where I was the rookie on a team learning how to play piano with a band versus playing it as a solo instrument and learning how to sing harmonies on key, how to layer my harmonies and piano parts into the mix to help build intensity, etc. Those years, the focus was just making the music happen more then worship because a brain can only deal with so many things at once.
It is such a treat to be part of such a talented worship team at our church where we finally have all those types of elements figured out, where we don't even script out who is doing what, how many times we will sing verses and choruses, or who needs to come in when. We start playing together - it turns into worship - and His spirit directs the song. All of us on stage completely forget that we are rehearsing or that there are people out in the audience because we are caught up in worship. I love when that happens. (The poor powerpoint person directing the words on screen for the congregation has to be on his toes with us as he never knows what we'll do next!).
Here's one of our favorites as harmonies and intensity build throughout this song finally breaking free at the very end with a declaration that His Glory can only cause us to fall face down at his feet.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Too much to handle
A friend is going through more then I can imagine having to deal with all at once. Another new friend has recently been sharing with me her story and again, it's more then I can imagine one person having to bear.
I too, have been at points where the weight of what is happening seems to overwhelm me.
I have been on my knees today praying for these friends, as one of them waits as her mom gets a double mastectomy knowing that her dad just lost his job of 14 years all the while suffering with chronic pain and other conditions herself. Too. Much. To. Bear.
In times like this, I often hear folks say things like, "God doesn't give you more then you can handle." I don't know about you, but that always hits me so raw when I am at the end of me and absolutely know that I can NOT handle what's happening very well at all for one more minute.
In those times, what I know God wants us to know in the depths of our soul is this:
Now, that brings peace. Bring it to His cross, lay down our burdens, and Know that HE is the one handling this in my heart. I don' then go back to the cross and take it back so that I can handle it... I leave it there.
We are just one phone call away from news that can drive us to our knees - like my friend hearing that her young mom has breast cancer - 2 1/2 weeks ago they didn't live in that world and suddenly their reality is breast cancer. Again, I go back to his truth:
God does not ever give us more then HE can handle.
I too, have been at points where the weight of what is happening seems to overwhelm me.
I have been on my knees today praying for these friends, as one of them waits as her mom gets a double mastectomy knowing that her dad just lost his job of 14 years all the while suffering with chronic pain and other conditions herself. Too. Much. To. Bear.
In times like this, I often hear folks say things like, "God doesn't give you more then you can handle." I don't know about you, but that always hits me so raw when I am at the end of me and absolutely know that I can NOT handle what's happening very well at all for one more minute.
In those times, what I know God wants us to know in the depths of our soul is this:
God does not ever give us more then HE can handle.
Now, that brings peace. Bring it to His cross, lay down our burdens, and Know that HE is the one handling this in my heart. I don' then go back to the cross and take it back so that I can handle it... I leave it there.
We are just one phone call away from news that can drive us to our knees - like my friend hearing that her young mom has breast cancer - 2 1/2 weeks ago they didn't live in that world and suddenly their reality is breast cancer. Again, I go back to his truth:
God does not ever give us more then HE can handle.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Seeking God's direction at each turn
Our town has a lovely canyon, designated for pedestrians only that runs half the length of the town and is a favorite place for me to run. It's so quiet down there as the city beats on in the "above ground" world. But in the "lower lands" of the canyon, cars can't even be heard.
But, the negative side to this canyon is that it truly can feel a bit remote, with towering 50 foot rock walls lining both sides it leaves you realizing that if you were to have something happen, your screams could not be heard by anyone.
So, at 8:00 am when I was running in the "above ground" world - heading to the canyon - I felt a strong voice in my head say, "Don't run in the canyon today". Immediately, I asked, "God, is that you?"
Silence.
So, I began to pray about this. I said, "God, I don't want to make a decision based on fear - but one based on YOU. Please make it clear to me what I need to do."
He impressed on my heart that he will, in His time. I had about 3 turns to make before I arrived at the canyon.
At the first turn, God said, "turn" I will let you know when you get closer.
At the second turn, I said, "I can turn right instead of left and create a different route."
He said, "turn left".
OK God, I am one turn away from the canyon.
Keep running.
I got to the final turn with still time to amend the route and not include the canyon.
God made it clear, right when I needed it: Turn left. Run in the canyon. Run without fear. Run for me. And run confidently knowing that you are safe.
So I did. I didn't think about it again and it was a wonderful run.
And such a powerful run. God always talks to us in His time. Sometimes I want to know 3 turns early where I need to go, but just like He did on this run, He didn't tell me until the final turn.
Just in time.
But, the negative side to this canyon is that it truly can feel a bit remote, with towering 50 foot rock walls lining both sides it leaves you realizing that if you were to have something happen, your screams could not be heard by anyone.
So, at 8:00 am when I was running in the "above ground" world - heading to the canyon - I felt a strong voice in my head say, "Don't run in the canyon today". Immediately, I asked, "God, is that you?"
Silence.
So, I began to pray about this. I said, "God, I don't want to make a decision based on fear - but one based on YOU. Please make it clear to me what I need to do."
He impressed on my heart that he will, in His time. I had about 3 turns to make before I arrived at the canyon.
At the first turn, God said, "turn" I will let you know when you get closer.
At the second turn, I said, "I can turn right instead of left and create a different route."
He said, "turn left".
OK God, I am one turn away from the canyon.
Keep running.
I got to the final turn with still time to amend the route and not include the canyon.
God made it clear, right when I needed it: Turn left. Run in the canyon. Run without fear. Run for me. And run confidently knowing that you are safe.
So I did. I didn't think about it again and it was a wonderful run.
And such a powerful run. God always talks to us in His time. Sometimes I want to know 3 turns early where I need to go, but just like He did on this run, He didn't tell me until the final turn.
Just in time.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Stepping forward
I have been reflecting this week on God as our Mighty Counselor. Too often I go to people instead of to God for advice. I can touch them, hear them, and seemingly get to the solution faster. But these last 2 weeks, I have tried to do less of that, and more of quietly waiting on Him.
I have had 3 distinct moments when I heard his Counsel these last 2 weeks alone. The first one, I wrote of a few days ago in regards to where I need to be placing my faith. The second one happened after praying all night it seemed for my son when God gave me a simple practical word into the situation for my son. The third one happened, like it often does, in the early hours of the morning. I think God talks to me then the most because I am still, the world is still, and I can hear Him.
God called me to send the Sprout's Applications with the $100 registration fee into their Christian School.
Funny. When it's God, and I know it's God, my spirit does not even quicken and question. It just obeys. I didn't argue that we are potentially in the midst of the worst economic blow to our family over the next 3 years that we have faced yet.
He also didn't promise me, still, that they get to go. He simply reminded me that if I don't take the 1st step He will not be able to complete the work.
I shared this with the sprouts on the way to their school and my sensitive son finished the conversation by saying, "Now God Has a chance to either make it possible that we get to keep going to our school or not. Either way, He'll make it work out for good."
My little guy is getting it!
I have had 3 distinct moments when I heard his Counsel these last 2 weeks alone. The first one, I wrote of a few days ago in regards to where I need to be placing my faith. The second one happened after praying all night it seemed for my son when God gave me a simple practical word into the situation for my son. The third one happened, like it often does, in the early hours of the morning. I think God talks to me then the most because I am still, the world is still, and I can hear Him.
God called me to send the Sprout's Applications with the $100 registration fee into their Christian School.
Funny. When it's God, and I know it's God, my spirit does not even quicken and question. It just obeys. I didn't argue that we are potentially in the midst of the worst economic blow to our family over the next 3 years that we have faced yet.
He also didn't promise me, still, that they get to go. He simply reminded me that if I don't take the 1st step He will not be able to complete the work.I shared this with the sprouts on the way to their school and my sensitive son finished the conversation by saying, "Now God Has a chance to either make it possible that we get to keep going to our school or not. Either way, He'll make it work out for good."
My little guy is getting it!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
The Motions
Sometimes during the middle of the winter like we find ourselves in now, I can start to "go through the motions" just to get through the busy grind, grey days, and long evenings of early darkness...
It's happy around here, don't get me wrong, but there are days that I want to feel more passionately alive, like I do on a warm summer day.
This latest song from Matthew West sums it up best...may you be challenged, like I was, to not settle for going through the motions.
It's happy around here, don't get me wrong, but there are days that I want to feel more passionately alive, like I do on a warm summer day.
This latest song from Matthew West sums it up best...may you be challenged, like I was, to not settle for going through the motions.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Faith
This past week I found myself frustrated as I listened to a Christian Sister lecture me about faith. I do not usually like to engage in controversial conversations and often hear myself "agreeing" just to avoid conflict, but I had to take a stand this last week. I am increasingly becoming tired of Christian rhetoric and bad advice that's often hurtful from fellow Christians. It's been a pattern I have encountered for 4 years now, that started with strange and hurtful advice during the years I was sick. Thankfully, no one that I know that reads my blog or goes to my home church has ever said these types of things so I can safely share my thoughts here.
My husband will know in a few weeks how "bad it really is" in this economy as the final numbers come in and the plan is put in place that will undoubtedly reduce our income to an unprecedented low. They actually told them at their staff meeting last week, "don't panic yet, as you don't know what to panic about. You will know on Feb 25th."
StudHusband and I aren't ones to panic but we are ones to plan. If we experience the kinds of cuts that are predicted, one of the options to navigate that lack of money would be to make cuts in areas that we currently are spending in. Logical. So, when I shared why my heart felt heavy this last week to this friend, she began to lecture me that I need to have a spirit of Faith and not Fear. Somehow, sharing to her that it is possible that with these potential major cutbacks coming our kids might not be able to continue at their tuition based Christian school was being "fearful" and not "faithful".
I took this hurtful conversation with me on my run today and chatted with God about it. He impressed this very clearly on my heart: you are to have Faith in ME, daughter, and not faith that the outcome of this situation will be what you are wishing it will be. I am not Santa Claus, I am GOD.
Will you still have faith in me if the future is hard because you have to work more than you ever have, to have the same amount of money you currently have? Will you still have faith in me if you have to cut back in ways you never dreamed you'd have to? Will you still have faith in me if your tomorrows, for a time, are truly challenging?
Or is your faith one where you tell friends, "I have faith that even though these major financial cutbacks are happening, I believe that God is a God of miracles therefore, we will get to continue on as normal because God will do a miracle..."
I absolutely believe with all my heart that if StudHusband's salary cuts are as bad as predicted that one of the potential futures could include miracles that keep things as they are (we keep our house, our kids get to stay in their Christian school, we get to do things we want to do)...but my faith is not going to be proclaiming that I have faith in that particular outcome...I will proclaim a Faith in God...period. Come what may, we will still Love Him and strive to Give Him Glory even if the future that I want is not what future I am going to get.
This "name it and claim it" stuff is turning God into Santa. Instead, I choose to simply proclaim, that :
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, a]">[a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
-Psalm 23
Come what may, we know that we will be walking this valley with God, and that's the Faith that I will talk about.
Does that make any sense?
My husband will know in a few weeks how "bad it really is" in this economy as the final numbers come in and the plan is put in place that will undoubtedly reduce our income to an unprecedented low. They actually told them at their staff meeting last week, "don't panic yet, as you don't know what to panic about. You will know on Feb 25th."
StudHusband and I aren't ones to panic but we are ones to plan. If we experience the kinds of cuts that are predicted, one of the options to navigate that lack of money would be to make cuts in areas that we currently are spending in. Logical. So, when I shared why my heart felt heavy this last week to this friend, she began to lecture me that I need to have a spirit of Faith and not Fear. Somehow, sharing to her that it is possible that with these potential major cutbacks coming our kids might not be able to continue at their tuition based Christian school was being "fearful" and not "faithful".
I took this hurtful conversation with me on my run today and chatted with God about it. He impressed this very clearly on my heart: you are to have Faith in ME, daughter, and not faith that the outcome of this situation will be what you are wishing it will be. I am not Santa Claus, I am GOD.
Will you still have faith in me if the future is hard because you have to work more than you ever have, to have the same amount of money you currently have? Will you still have faith in me if you have to cut back in ways you never dreamed you'd have to? Will you still have faith in me if your tomorrows, for a time, are truly challenging?
Or is your faith one where you tell friends, "I have faith that even though these major financial cutbacks are happening, I believe that God is a God of miracles therefore, we will get to continue on as normal because God will do a miracle..."
I absolutely believe with all my heart that if StudHusband's salary cuts are as bad as predicted that one of the potential futures could include miracles that keep things as they are (we keep our house, our kids get to stay in their Christian school, we get to do things we want to do)...but my faith is not going to be proclaiming that I have faith in that particular outcome...I will proclaim a Faith in God...period. Come what may, we will still Love Him and strive to Give Him Glory even if the future that I want is not what future I am going to get.
This "name it and claim it" stuff is turning God into Santa. Instead, I choose to simply proclaim, that :
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, a]">[a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
-Psalm 23
Come what may, we know that we will be walking this valley with God, and that's the Faith that I will talk about.
Does that make any sense?
Thursday, February 12, 2009
The Keyhole
Every so often I have had people blip into my life and offer tons of wisdom and then they're gone. One such lady in my life is named Karen. And I leaned upon an amazing truth she shared with me and some eagerly listening friends some years ago when talking and encouraging my son who was struggling so hard with a difficult situation in his life that he didn't understand.
"You are always wrong", Karen opened her talk with us. Something whispered to her from God in her still moment with him. She was frustrated. Her husband and her were having a disagreement and she had it all figured out, he was sadly mistaken and hugely in error, she argued with God.
"No, my daughter. You are wrong. And you are always wrong."
WHAT??
"Daughter, when you look at any situation you do it with such limited perspective. Think of it this way. Imagine that "Life" is happening inside a giant grandiose ballroom, behind a locked door with an itty bitty keyhole on that door. You, my daughter, are simply standing in the doorway trying to figure a situation out, get a handle on it, and make your verdict known. So, you peer down and look in the keyhole to gaze through to the ballroom...and you think you are seeing the fullness of what is happening in that huge room.
But imagine if I were to open that door - you'd suddenly see things that were never in your scope of vision, never even imagined, happening in corners of the room and all throughout the room that fill in the fullness of the story.
Daughter, I LIVE in the room and you live in the hallway. You can't know the fullness of your husband's perspective, and you know SO little of the situation that you are simply wrong, and you are wrong all the time because you are never going to know the millions of details necessary to walk through your days and possibly think you understand enough to be right."
Karen finished and hung her head for a few moments. Slowly a smile crept across her face and she looked up with a tear trickling down her cheek: "And girls, when I realized this truth, this huge weight lifted from me. A burden was gone. The burden that I had to know, that I had to understand fully, that I had to weigh through and figure it all out, that I had to be right.
GONE!!
And with that, girls, came freedom. Unbelievable freedom."
My son doesn't totally get it yet. I'll just store it away and pull it out in those delicate moments when such powerful truth can rock his life and change his heart.
This truth has popped into my mind so much lately as I trudge through tough economic times with worse stuff predicted for us just over the horizon. I don't have to understand it. I don't have to figure it out. I don't have to be right. I just have to hang out in the hallway knowing that God is amongst it all, in the ballroom, dancing and working it all out for good in ALL OF US!!
Thank you Karen. I miss you!
"You are always wrong", Karen opened her talk with us. Something whispered to her from God in her still moment with him. She was frustrated. Her husband and her were having a disagreement and she had it all figured out, he was sadly mistaken and hugely in error, she argued with God.
"No, my daughter. You are wrong. And you are always wrong."
WHAT??
"Daughter, when you look at any situation you do it with such limited perspective. Think of it this way. Imagine that "Life" is happening inside a giant grandiose ballroom, behind a locked door with an itty bitty keyhole on that door. You, my daughter, are simply standing in the doorway trying to figure a situation out, get a handle on it, and make your verdict known. So, you peer down and look in the keyhole to gaze through to the ballroom...and you think you are seeing the fullness of what is happening in that huge room.
But imagine if I were to open that door - you'd suddenly see things that were never in your scope of vision, never even imagined, happening in corners of the room and all throughout the room that fill in the fullness of the story.
Daughter, I LIVE in the room and you live in the hallway. You can't know the fullness of your husband's perspective, and you know SO little of the situation that you are simply wrong, and you are wrong all the time because you are never going to know the millions of details necessary to walk through your days and possibly think you understand enough to be right."
Karen finished and hung her head for a few moments. Slowly a smile crept across her face and she looked up with a tear trickling down her cheek: "And girls, when I realized this truth, this huge weight lifted from me. A burden was gone. The burden that I had to know, that I had to understand fully, that I had to weigh through and figure it all out, that I had to be right.
GONE!!
And with that, girls, came freedom. Unbelievable freedom."
My son doesn't totally get it yet. I'll just store it away and pull it out in those delicate moments when such powerful truth can rock his life and change his heart.
This truth has popped into my mind so much lately as I trudge through tough economic times with worse stuff predicted for us just over the horizon. I don't have to understand it. I don't have to figure it out. I don't have to be right. I just have to hang out in the hallway knowing that God is amongst it all, in the ballroom, dancing and working it all out for good in ALL OF US!!
Thank you Karen. I miss you!
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