Here I am

I just got home from an 8 day anniversary trip (13 years!!) with my Rennaissance man. 5 nights in the wilderness and 3 nights in travel to get there (plus a gloriously romantic night in a bed and breakfast). He asked me all year if I still wanted it to be a killer backpacking trip and I never waivered in my resolve - ABSOLUTELY! There is no other trip that deeply restores like being in the deep backcountry. Nothing.

Our first night was such a ridiculous contrast to the remaining nights. I thought it would be fun to see book a super cheap hotel and found a deal near Reno for about $25. Flashing neon lights, gambling, people trapped in windowless casinos, NOISE....it was a great hotel really but the setting was so unsettling. Do people really go to Reno to relax? Yikes. We got up the next day and hightailed it to our trailhead, outside of Bishop, CA.

God can speak so loud when the world's city distractions give way to his creation. For 5 1/2 days we hiked - 60 miles - into high elevation Sierras into a basin called Evolution Basin that is heralded as one of the most beautiful places on earth - and it was. We lived at 11,000 feet high for 5 nights - with steep climbs and a total of over 22,000 feet in elevation changes (that's like climbing South Sister 2 times!).

Each morning, I awoke with the same song. Every time we'd hit a rhythm on the trail and descend into silence this same song started playing in my mind. When that happens, I listen. I know it's not a mistake. The chorus played. Each morning I asked God, is this song for me? Yes.

You see, the big change in my life is that I will start, tomorrow, teaching full time. I never wanted to work full time but when I interviewed for part time, they couldn't resist offering me full time. I am half time music for grades 1 through 12 and then half time high school Spanish.

I am undoubtedly nervous. I don't know if we can maintain the family lifestyle we have with me working full time. Renaissance man has told me he will do 100% of the cooking and shopping this year to allow me to put in the hours I need. But, ALL DAY! EVERY DAY! My life was totally full before this.

I want to serve these kids at this school. It's such an honor and opportunity, but I don't want to sacrifice my own family.

Back to the song. It's called "Here I am" and each morning the mountain radio playing in my mind sang to me this chorus. I just got home and had to go see what the rest of the song had to say and it spoke directly into my life. I am to take on this song as my prayer. It will be hard...but as the song says, "Aren't you the closest when it's hardest to stand?" If I take on an attitude of "Here I am, use me" it will undoubtedly trump grumpy attitudes that threaten to steal my servant's joy when this job bleeds into evenings and weekends.

So God, Here I am, send me to the ministry field of the classroom. All of my life, make it an offering.

Here I Am by Downhere

Sometimes Your calling, comes in dream

Sometimes in comes in the Spirit's breeze

You reach for the deepest hope in me

And call out for the things of eternity

But I'm a man, of dust and stains,

You move in me, so I can say

Chorus

Here I am, Lord send me

All of my life, I make an offering,

Here I am, Lord send me

Somehow my story is a part of Your plan,

Here I am

When setbacks and failures, and upset plans

Test my faith and leave me with empty hands

Are You not the closest when it's hardest to stand

I know that You will finish what You began

these broken parts You will redeem

Become the song that I can sing

Overwhelmed by the thought of my weakness

And the fear that I'll fail You in the end In this mess,

I'm just one of the pieces, I can't put this together but You can

Here I Am, all my life an offering to You, to You Somehow my story is a part of Your plan

Here I am

David Klinkenberg is twittering!

All you twitters and tweeters, you can follow my brother on twitter now! I don't know a thing about this program but I am sure many of you do.

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Power of the Word - have to share!

Some of us just easily accept that we are God's child, that He loves us, and that we just have to follow Him...others of us fight much harder through life before these revelations reach our heart. I have 2 sprouts. One wrestles with this. One just believes it.

My wildman sprout is the wrestler. He has been hard on himself since he was learning to crawl upon which God made it super clear to me, "be easy on this guy, he is already too hard on himself." I try. I do. But he is a super sensitive child and lives his emotions OUT LOUD and the loud kiddo gets a lot more negative attention, unfortunately.

These wrestling emotions have erupted this past 2nd grade year as he often said how horrible of a person he was, how he hated himself, and how he wanted to start running and never stop. As mommy, I had to tell myself not to panic but just to calmly listen. So I did all year. But finally in April, I brought my concerns to my Friday morning prayer group at his school and we prayed over his little heart.

That weekend, I shared with him the verses where John asks, "Why do I do the things I don't want to do and I don't do the things I should do? For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do - this I keep on doing." My wildman was shocked to read his very words, thoughts, and feelings in the WORD and even more shocked that it was a grown man who thought this stuff.

YES little one. We all feel inadequate. 'cause we are!!

While many kids proclaim, "I didn't do it!" or "It's not fair...it's Suzie Que's fault, not mine!" my little guy fully knows he has messed up every time he does. He is and always has been completely aware that he is a sinner. Which sets him up to be so deeply thankful for this next part that I shared with him from that Romans 7 passage - "Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord!...Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus because through Jesus Christ the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."

I drew a picture of a boy carrying a large bag over his shoulder, like Santa. This boy in my picture could hardly walk from the heavy bag he lugged - and I shared that that is him - carrying all his sins with him but he didn't need to do that!! That's what freedom is.

It was a long and beautiful conversation. I shared much with him and we read many other passages.

I write about it now because it's been about 4 or 5 months since we talked and I have watched that message from the Bible peculate and simmer in his mind and have been so in awe of the power of the word because my wildman has completely stopped proclaiming how horrible he is, how he wants to disappear, or any of it. He has stopped throwing himself around in his emotional tantrums of frustration at himself.

He has turned into this smiley, helpful, more relaxed, and happy version of himself.

All from reading God's truth.

(and from the power of prayer of a few mom's meeting together to pour prayer over their kids lives together one rainy April morning.)